People in Boxes: The People You Meet Backpacking – Part Un

“He who does not travel does not know the value of men,” according to a Moorish proverb

A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles,” Tim Cahill said.

“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them,” concluded Mark Twain

Ok, ok, I get it; travel is about people more than sights. You know, I was going to write about the things I saw on my recent mini-adventure in Vietnam but I’ve been persuaded to write about all the new people I met instead. Except, they weren’t entirely new.  I’m pretty sure I’ve met them before. My friends have met them before. You’ve met them before.  In different corners of the world, with different names and different faces but you say to-mah-to, and you say to-may-to, and I say don’t-put-too-much-of-it-in-my-pasta-sauce-dammit – they’re all the same, people can all be stuffed into one box or another. And since this blog is all about boxes – SUCCESS!

“Too often, travel, instead of broadening the mind, merely lengthens the conversation.” –Elizabeth Drew

I do realise that most of the people listed here are just fellow travellers – but isn’t that usually what happens when one travels? Or maybe, I’m just a lousy tourist. The horror! Well, maybe half-a-step above tourist – as behold, I have the added advantage/ street-cred of being a cheap-bastard who refuses to buy souvenir key-chains.

Now on to the list (which is arranged in no particular order...............)

The first Backpacking creature on the list amuses me so much, I've decided to dedicate today’s entire entry to this creature and this creature alone. Today, I present:


#1 The Loud American We All Love to Hate (LAWALOTH)

The LAWALOTH will loudly (and nasally) air, share, declare and impose its opinions on EVERYTHING upon EVERYONE that crosses its path. The LAWALOTH considers all silent moments as an invitation for it to speak. It is further recognised by its inability to modulate the volume of its own voice, so a simple one-sided conversation with the person next to it on the bus, will be heard all across planet Earth and echo through neighbouring galaxies, provoking the aliens into a Roland-Emmerich-Independence-Day sort of attack on the White House. But you must understand, the LAWALOTH can’t help but release its opinion into the universe, just as a green tree can’t help but release oxygen into the atmosphere. Except, none of us really need or care about what the LAWALOTH thinks of anything especially since the more the LAWALOTH speaks, the more doubt is cast upon its ability to think.


The presence of an LAWALOTH is particularly unappreciated and dreaded on the morning of New Year’s Day, especially when stuck in a cramped mini-van, on a winding, bumpy, 4 hour drive to Soandso with everyone including the tour guide & driver suffering from the worst hangover since 1999.

The LAWALOTH will keep the entire world awake with such gems like:

“Oh, you’re from Malaysia? Maaaan, the penalty for drugs in Malaysia is like harsh, man, I mean, it’s practically a human rights violation. I mean, seriously, death penalty???!!!”

 And you answer, “Why are you worried? Are you a drug trafficker?”

“Like, they must execute people there everyday, right?”

“Why? Do they execute people in Texas everyday?”

Or

“You’re working? I don’t see alot of women in the Asian workforce. Aren’t they all housewives?”

And you say, “Dude, I thought you said you work as an English teacher in Japan; I’m sure there are women who work in Japan.”

(That’s another characteristic of the LAWALOTH – it can be well-travelled and exposed to many different cultures but its brain is somehow resistant to gaining new insight)

My favourite LAWALOTH gem however, is this:

“I once saw a monkey slap a puppy and I slapped the monkey back.”

Thank you, LAWALOTH, for that wonderful piece of information that wasn’t even meant for me; as I’m all the way up on the floor above you.

Not all Americans turn into LAWALOTHs once they venture out into the world beyond their own borders, although the fact that they are American, certainly puts them at risk. Still, it would seem that there are other factors, other than a US passport, that contributes to the creation of the LAWALOTH monster. Like the fact that they must already be made fun of by their countrymen back home. In fact prior to acquiring a passport, a plane ticket and an entry visa to complete the transformation, the larvae-LAWALOTH must already have a Facebook group dedicated to their charming personality, something along the lines of **Ryan Packall Demands Yo’ Respect!!! - You can laugh at Ryan Packall once, but not twice. This group must have no more than 20 members (including the creator) - all acquaintances who invite the pre-LAWALOTH to their parties, because pre-LAWALOTHs are a cheaper form of amusement than a trained juggling monkey.  And it would certainly show up with its own 6-pack of beer.

Now, LAWALOTHs are not to be mistaken for villainous Americans (refer Bush, George W.; Cheney, Dick; Madoff, Bernard; Palin, Sarah). The LAWALOTH might deep down, be all about hope and establishing warmer ties with the world and all that shit. The LAWALOTH is just going about it the wrong way. If you give it half a chance, a bucket-load of patience or some earplugs; you might actually find that beneath the LAWALOTH monster; is a great new friend ...... who demands yo’ respect.

** The name has been changed to protect the identity of LAWALOTH. Because you can laugh at him once but not TWICE. Respect!


[part deux (2) will be up tomorrow]