My mom is on a mission. She's sick and tired of her unmarried daughters "gallivanting" around the world, causing her blood pressure to remain at a high 150/90, despite a healthy diet and regular exercise. "Gallivanting" - her words. What can I say? The woman just has a natural gift for melodrama.
She has threatened, yes, threatened to marry us off to the next guy that asks, thinking that marriage would in some way, tame us and perhaps, render us immobile. Who does she think we are? Warren Beatty? Warren Beatty stays at home all day because he's OLD, MOM and probably in need of a hip replacement; I don't think it has all that much to do with being married to Annette Benning.
Frankly, I'm quite disappointed in my mom for resorting to such a regressive form of punishment. She used to be more original. My Dad wants to implant GPS tracking devices in our necks but it would cost too much and my mom would then endlessly worry about the risk such a device would pose to our health.
-I heard GPS tracking systems may cause cancer
-Momma, EVERYTHING these days may cause cancer
-Oh, so you think cancer is funny?
-I didn't say that
-Quit smoking!
My mom refuses to buy a microwave for fear that it will cause cancer. Seriously. I've grown to enjoy eating leftovers straight from the fridge because I can't be arsed to heat things up on a stove. Chilled chicken curry - yum!
Anyway, back to my mom's plans to marry my sisters and I off.
- Oh yeah? And who are the lucky guys? (God knows we don't have anyone in mind), I said
-I'll find them. Any random boy would do! You just wait and see........
Ah, don't you just smell romance in the air? Throw a bunch of forms, a ring from a Coke can and a wedding invitation through Facebook in the mix- and you'll have a modern fairytale! To aid my mom in her quest, I've come up with the Loveless Marriage Placement Test to determine which unfortunate lad gets to share a lifetime of indifference with which sister. To take the test, please click here.
Yeah, eat it Cinderella - your slippers ain't got nothing on this!
6 comments:
Can married man apply?? ;P
Um, the comment above is kinda creepy.
When did we get to be that old?? My mom is looking for a suitable companion for me too. I'll just marry you. Can I marry you?
Missa: Yes, we are THAT old. My momma won't stop pointing out that by the time she was my age, she was married and pregnant with my eldest sister. But then, this was waaaay back in the year 1901. And, sure, you can marry me, provided:
- you cook
- you do the dishes
- you do the housework and don't complain when I don't
- you bring home the bacon
- Malaysia legalizes gay marriage.
Anonymous: Who do you think we are?! Zizie Ezette? TV3 newscasters?! Ugh.
;P ... no harm done...these days, like u mentioned above, girls do like married men.
Actually, I said that Zizie Ezette likes married men. The rest of us girls may not mind vintage and second-hand clothes but we draw the line at vintage/ second-hand men.
I have perused your post and the comment box but I find no reference about girls liking married man? What is this anonymous guy on?
Ahaha... I like that second hand man comment.
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